


wishes, kisses, and other impossible things

by 4horsesatetheworld



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, nebulous is my only writing style, non-linear story telling, not me, season 3 divergence, whats the timeline for this? Who know?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 15:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10389819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4horsesatetheworld/pseuds/4horsesatetheworld
Summary: Audrey and Duke at the end with all the secrets they never said.





	

There are days and thoughts she doesn't tell Nathan about. Duke plays heavily in a lot of them. 

...

Before Vanessa Stanley dies, before they really know her trouble, she tells Audrey that touching her, she sees nothing. No death, no gruesome end. Just white. 

 

...

 

"I want to write my story in scars on my skin. I got Lucy's scars; who's to say that the next me wouldn't have them too?" 

 

....

 

After Duke tells her about the Hunter, she locks her doors and drinks into a blackout. She remembers playing a piano at one point and wakes in a soft cardigan. Duke is asleep on her couch. He's much more peaceful like that. She wants to sweep aside his bangs, run her hands through his hair. Wants to kiss him awake as if they were some strange rendition of Sleeping Beauty, except she'd rather sleep through this. 

"You know, as fun as it sounds sober, playing Billy Joel at two in the morning is kinda nauseating." Duke says, without opening his eyes. 

"Oh god, tell me-- Did anyone-?"

"Just me sweetheart," he sits up, rubbing his eyes and looks at her. "I was closing up below when I heard you." 

Audrey sighs. She just woke up and she's exhausted. 

"Well, wanna play with me this time around? I'm not going in today."

"Can't have a hangover if you never sober?" 

"For today at least." 

 

"Alright. Is there any chance I'll get you to talk about the Hunter?" 

"Nope. But, maybe if you brought better booze, I could say something deep and mysterious."

"Your wish is my command." 

Duke brought a nice Bordeaux and tequila, and they drank and sang and got arrested for drunken disorderly.

She didn't tell Nathan that it helped. She didn't tell him how much she selfishly wanted to lock herself away and let someone else deal with the Troubles. 

...

She doesn't tell Nathan about the diary she keeps under the floorboards for whoever comes next. A list of all the people she's helped and how she solved them. Descriptions of who Audrey Parker was. Her story in Haven. A brief instruction on how to deal with being more than one person. 

Dear future me,  
If you work hard enough, sleep too little, love too much, and rely unhealthy on caffeine and alcohol, you'll wear yourself too much to ponder your existence. Should that fail, get someone to remind you that this current version of you is valid and as real as I was. As every one of us who has come before.   
I was real. You are real. Please remember me.   
Audrey Parker  
...

She doesn't tell Nathan about Duke asking her to run. After the mural comes to life and she calls him a good man, he asks her run. With him, with Nathan, without either of them, he wants her to run. To get out of this town. Before it does to her whatever it did to Lucy. What he fears it's doing to him. They say people that stay here turn out numb or jaded and Audrey feels to much to be apathetic. 

She doesn't tell him that she almost says yes. Almost asks him to come with her. 

...

"I wish I never met you sometimes. Wish I'd been able to stay away from Haven." 

"Me too. I wish you'd never met me, too." 

...

She doesn't tell Nathan about the Cuban cigars and sunsets and tears. Nathan died and then came back and she'd kissed Duke and told Nathan she loved him. 

If she was a better person, she wouldn't have gone to the Cape Rouge afterwards and asked to share a Cuban cigar. 

If she was a better person, she would have never loved Duke in the first place. 

If she was a worse person, she would have gone to Colorado and never came back. She wishes-- 

...

She doesn't tell Nathan that she plans to go into the Barn. She tells Duke, tells him goodbye a week in advance. He stills wants to fight, but he gets it better than Nathan ever would. He gets choice and agency. For they are God's Orphan and Haven was built for people like them. 

Not that the townspeople ever get that. 

...

"I think there's something a little hollow in you. Some piece missing that you desperately try to fill. Fill it with other people's issues and their problems and fix them because you can't fix yourself. You wanted Nathan because he never demanded that you be fixed, never implied you needed fixing." 

"I do. I did. Mara saw that. I needed her, I think. Needed that hint of rage. I wish I had known her. As a separate entity to compare and contrast with myself." 

...

She doesn't tell Duke that sometimes she wakes up and doesn't recognize herself in the mirror. She wakes up and expects red hair or bangs or smudged eyeliner. He asks her how she plays Lexi so well, she avoids telling him that there are times when she forgets she's Audrey Parker. 

Makes it all the way to the station sometimes before she realizes where- who she is. 

She begins to chant to the mirror. My name is Audrey Parker. My name is Audrey Parker. My name is Audrey Parker. My- 

... 

"If I had been a little worse, we would've been-"

"You mean if I'd been better."

"No. You have always been better. You are exactly the person this town needed you to be. I needed you to be." 

"If only that had been enough." 

"You have always been enough. This town just- It takes more than you, I, anyone has to give. Should have to give.  
I asked you for too much." 

.... 

When she's Lexie, she dreams about someone killing her. Someone with big hands and a crooked smile takes a knife to her heart. He looks her in the eyes the entire time. Holds her til her last breath. He never cries in her dreams. She always dies smiling. It's peaceful. 

... 

Lexie had two major ex boyfriends.

One, Richard, was her high school sweetheart. They were going to see the world together, change it together. 

All he saw was a mugger's knife. Stepped in front of it as the mugger lunged at her. He bled out as Lexie pressed her hand into the wound and tried to some the bleeding. 

Mea culpa. 

Two, Isaac, was a preacher son. She met him on the corner of hopeless and inspired. He said sweet words about fate and faith and kissed her like she deserved him. She faithfully left him. Let him find something better than her. A nice preacher's wife. She found out twenty days later and two towns over that he died. Saving a woman and her son from an out of control truck. 

Mea maxima culpa. 

... 

"I wish you'd killed me when we had the chance. I wish I kissed you when we had a chance."

"I'm afraid we're all out of chances no matter our wishes." 

"I'm afraid. In general."

...

The Crocker Trouble was Mara's favorite. Out of all of them, she created one to be an equal to her. How tantalizing it was to fear. To want. To consume. William was the perfect lover, but the Crockers were her perfect puzzle. 

...

Duke and Audrey play chess in the end. In her new barn, it's just them and the glowing white walls and a chess board. They are evenly matched. Audrey's rashness and careful planning goes against Duke's calm and present focused style. For each piece they lose, they tell each other a secret. 

"I kissed a girl under the bleachers in middle school. Her name was Lydia." 

"My first time driving a boat I fell off." 

"I doubt that the Troubles are fixed."

"I doubt the Troubles would ever be fixed."

...

In another world, where troubled was just a word used to describe teenagers who had problems with authority, bartender Lexie Dewitt (née Audrey Parker) strolls into Haven, Maine, and buys a bait shop to retrofit into a bar. Detective Duke Crocker can sense the trouble she's going to bring. Lexie Dewitt sits on his desk and bothers him at work. He sits on her barstool and bothers her at work. They bother each other right into a bed, into a relationship, and eventually into a happy story. 

In another world, they made it out alive. 

...

"If wishes were fishes,"

"I'd probably make a killing in the seafood industry." 

...

In the void, two souls peer into other worlds and see the happier storylines that were written for them.


End file.
